You are what you consume.

Conscious consumption on our journey home to heaven.

One word God has been really placing on my heart to contemplate is the world “consume”.

We all know “you are what you eat”. Putting that simple concept into actionable life choices is where it gets murky. I know I shouldn't eat a slice of red velvet birthday cake for breakfast but… I’m going to do me and feel the shame of it later. Only like 3 min later but the sugar high felt worth it in the moment.

That Romans 7:15 verse comes to mind: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

How true is that when it comes to the things we are consuming in our ears, through our eyes, and with our spirit?

The Lord is radically calling me to evaluate how much consumption of the world I have and the things that I am consuming. From podcasts, news, music, TV, movies. It all becomes part of us for the good or the bad.

When it comes to consuming more of the world over the Eternal Word, it usually isn’t good and fruitful, the things we are consuming.

As one does, I started diving into the latin roots of the world consumption, consume, consummation.

I find it odd that the English definition of the word “consume” means to eat, drink or ingest usually in large quantities but also “squanders or wastes” or “to do away with completely : destroy” but when you look at the latin roots of con - “with”, sum - “I am”, and ation - “process or action my mind thinks” “the process or action of I am with…” something else. The I am becomes we are.

I remember years ago when I was going through trauma therapy my therapist told me she didn’t think I should be watching Grey’s Anatomy. That was my JAM. However, she brought up the fact that seeing medical issues, especially ones with kids, would spike my anxiety. We are what we consume. I was consuming a traumatizing medical drama and I was getting little t-traumatized by it and it was leading to anxiety.

Well, wouldn’t you know. I gave up social media and started watching Grey’s again, and then a doctor here decided he wanted to run a stupid amount of tests when I went complaining of migraines. Now I am having anxiety about it. Will they find a tumor? Let me just google brain cancer real quick.

Hello anxiety, my old friend.

There again in the silence of my own thought and speaking to God I hear “you are what you consume”.

Consume. Consummation.

To consummate a marriage is the act of making it complete, whole or perfect by the physical and spiritual union of 2 persons.

To consummate the eucharist is the act of making yourself complete, whole, and perfect by the physical and spiritual union in Christ Jesus you are consuming.

But consummating with things that are not good for the soul namely things that divide the unity of the person with the Creator, we will become what we consume.

Profane, anxious, worldly, mean, harmful, life sucking.

Now, I am going to lay my crappy christian right out on the table. I have spent years throwing a fit with God about rap music. I don’t want to stop listening to it. I like it. I like dancing. I like the beats. It’s what I grew up on. Does God really want me to stop being ME for the sake of him? I like Nikki Minaj and I really don’t want to give it up. So, for YEARS I have justified that I could absolutely consume those songs and it was FINE. We aren’t supposed to be monoliths. All Christian women aren’t supposed to do, say, be, and consume the same thing. That leads to the Duggars, no thank you sir.

Then, I started feeling this intense shame when I would listen to music with the God-awful lyrics I did. Shame that if my children shouldn’t be hearing these lyrics I was listening to in secret away from them then I probably shouldn’t either.

Would I seriously listen to Nikki Minaj, Busta Rhymes, or Missy Elliot if Jesus was physically in the room with me? Would I listen to them in the adoration chapel in is presence? Sheesh, would I even listen to these songs in the same room as my grandma? NO. So why was I justifying that these songs were perfectly ok for me to recluse to my headphones and consume in private.

God often will start being blatantly obvious in His withdrawal of his tolerance for the things we are doing that are not good for us. For the things that are proving to be a hinderance to faith, growth, purification. Often, that comes in the form of a private cloud of shame that overtakes us when we see, hear, overindulge - consume something that is ultimately not good for us.

A wise priest friend once said, “there are no neutral steps on the journey to heaven you are either walking towards or away from Christ but you’re always moving.” Every choice is a movement. The secular media is taking a toll on my soul. I can feel it.

It’s not just music, it’s podcasts too - I am a fan of Tucker Carlson, Joe Rogan & Candace Owens. The latter I even fooled into telling myself was okay to consume because she’s Catholic and occasionally talks about her faith. Until last week I realized that a sin I had thought the Lord really taken care of a few years ago - gossip, is exactly what I was listening to on her podcast.

The demons attached to sins get starved when we stop feeding them but then if you give them even the slightest taste of the thing they crave, they go wild. I was starting to see the sin of gossip pop up in my life again.

Yes, gossip can be the classic sense of talking about someone behind their back but when I explain it to my kids I also include that talking about someone else’s business that isn’t yours to discuss or acting like you're an expert on someone else's life is also gossip. Even if something is true, often times it’s not our place to speak it especially when it refers to someone else.

When I was listening to Candace and started to feel that familar shame and a little nudge of a spiritual sense telling me I should shut this off. I realized its because I was perpetuating gossip. I was entertaining it. Me, and Candace Owens, have no reason to be obsessively researching and spreading the dealings of Blake Lively & Justin Baldoni, I don’t care how famous they are. It’s not our place.

The harsh reality is when I spend my time, face in my phone, I am spending far more time consuming the world than I am the Word, who is Jesus Himself.

I have for years given up secular media for Lent all to fall right back into it when Easter comes. No secular music, podcasts, YouTube, tv, movies, or any social media at all bc you can’t control which secular stuff passes your doom scrolling. It’s gotten to the point that I feel so free, so close to Jesus during Lent because of this that I look forward to it.

I want to encourage you to do this this year. Cold turkey. Heck, maybe don’t even come back.

I read good books, my home is filled with praise music, I listen to the wise words of priests, religious sisters. There is silence in my day that allows me to commune with my creator in all the small moments.

Hello, this could be my whole year. This peace, this intentionality. I am not important, I am not supposed to “influence” anyone.

It could be yours too.

I don’t think social media, podcasts, or YouTube is inherently bad but I think just like with anything, evil takes something that could be used for good (and some people do, like Fr Mike Schmitz) and he warps and distorts it and uses it for his plan, to influence as many souls to turn away from the love, mercy, and grace that God wants to give us. I do think far less of us than we think are capable of using social media with prudence, temperance, and wisdom than we think. I do think most of us, even if we say we’re “evangelizing” are really just stroking our own egos. Women, in particular, would be far better off if we just ditched it and focused our efforts into creating real, tangible, in person community in the place the Lord has planted our feet.